Mom keeps asking me if “I’m even excited”…”Do you understand what kind of opportunity this is?”…”Are you sure you want to go?” Easy answers. Yes, I’m excited. Yes, I understand what kind of opportunity this is.
Of course I want to go. (Ugh but I’m going to miss you so much Dash)
She’s confusing my lack of outward emotion for disinterest, when truthfully, I’m scared shitless. For nine months, I’m living with people I don’t know in places I’ve never been. This trip WILL be life changing. I’m not going to come home in May the same person I am today. Let that sink in real quick. It’s exhilarating. It’s scary.
And for the first time in four years, I’m not going back to Amherst. That feels weird. I didn’t feel it at graduation, I didn’t feel it a week ago, but I feel it right now. Amherst was home.
So, yeah Mom, I’m excited. But, I’m also petrified. Curious. Vulnerable. Fascinated. Worried. Hopeful. I’m a lot of things. And I don’t quite know how to show that.